Mother’s Day is right around the corner and for some people that is a much dreaded day.
A no good, very bad day-if you will!
There are women who want to become mothers but can’t. There are women who became mothers but don’t want to be.
The world is funny that way. So, Mother’s Day may be a great day for you but for others it may a not so happy Mother’s Day.
Just another reminder of what you don’t have or who you aren’t. It’s a reminder of the struggles, the loss and the pain that never truly goes away.
Infertility can put you in a very dark place that even with the best words is hard to describe.
It changes you. It makes you stronger yet breaks you down in ways you never knew.
I was never in a Soroity but when I experienced Infertility, I suddenly became a part of a group that I never wanted to be in.
Because you never ask for infertility to happen but it happens.
You do survive it. I am living breathing proof that you do.
You know what else happens-
HAPPINESS!
How do you get there?
You choose happiness. You have to make the conscience decision to be happy even in the midst of the dark world of infertility and even on that dreaded Mother’s Day that comes around every year.
I would like to say I chose happiness all of the time.
I would be lying. Big fat whopper of a lie!
For a long time, I chose depression, guilt, disappointment and quite frankly “screw the world and every one who gets pregnant.”
That is harsh but your raw emotions and thoughts can be harsh.
Where did that get me?
I will tell you, my life as I knew it fell apart.
It’s hard to love someone who is so upset with themselves, living in that dark place day in and day out and won’t take the steps to help themselves. The people you love the most might be the people you push away.
They say you have to hit rock bottom to get back up, but I say hitting rock bottom built a foundation for me to rebuild my life.
Slowly. Rebuild. Slowly. Find yourself again. Rebuild.
I don’t share this part of me. It is hurtful to open up the wounds again but I know there are so many people struggling with everything I did.
For those people, I open the wounds.
There are also people who have people in their lives who are struggling with infertility but they don’t know what to say.
For those people, I open the wounds.
The Top 5 lessons I learned in that dark place in life I call Infertility are……………
Recognize that infertility is a struggle and it is ok to STRUGGLE with it– It is ok to admit you are hurting. I didn’t admit that. I put on a brave face to everyone after every miscarriage, every dr. visit and anytime someone asked me about it. I think that led to my down fall. Admit your feelings and don’t get down on yourself. Accept your raw emotions. Don’t ignore them or push them down because they will always come back up when you least expect them to.
Remember that people will get pregnant and invite you to baby focused events– Family members will get pregnant. Your friends will. Everyone you knew in high school will and yet life will feel like its passing you by. You will get invited to baby showers. Don’t be afraid to make the decision to not go if you truly cannot bring yourself to go. People will understand. You can always put on a brave face and go but just remember it is ok to say no to those big events.
Lean on your teammate– You never know how you will respond when you face adversity. When you get married you feel invincible. Like “Our love can make it through anything,” Well, you aren’t but you can get through anything if you lean on your teammate. Your teammate is your spouse or your significant other. You are a team. Share the burdens, don’t hide them. Simply love each other. I failed at this but you don’t have to. Express your emotions often. Talk through them often. Don’t just be there for the hard times like infertility procedures. Be there everyday. If you are struggling with infertility, then open up about it. Completely. It just might save your marriage.
Educate yourself– If you are like me, you never saw this coming. You never expected infertility. So, study. Look into all of your options like your are studying for the SAT’s. Learn about infertility treatments and other options. Also, learn from other people who have lived this. Join a support group and learn from them. You are not alone.
Don’t play the blame game- This is human nature. To find someone to blame. We do it from the time we are kids. But never ever blame yourself. Sometimes in your infertility journey, you will find an answer and you might find a problem with you or your spouse. Resist the urge to be angry. Resist the thoughts that creep in and are so negative. The thoughts that say, “You shoudn’t have waited to try to get pregnant.” Or “My body is a disappointment. What worth do I have if I can’t use my uterus.” This may seems ridiculous but ask any woman who has gone through this and they will say “self Worth” does work hand and hand with fertility.You don’t feel worthy like other women who have kid after kid. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are YOU. Pregnant or not. Being a mom or not. Raising kids or not.
Quite possibly the biggest lesson I learned, however, is that you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over. You can find your true self again and you just might like her. You may surprised at your new found strength and courage.
You can choose happiness which leads to peace.
Mother’s Day may look different for some women and this may not be the encouraging Mother’s Day message you are looking for.
But it is real. It is raw. It is life for many, many women.
Some Women you may not even know about because they can’t talk about it.
So, be sensitive. Love on your kids and don’t feel bad about that. Be grateful.
And we all have a mother of our own, so be grateful for her and all she has done for you.
Of course, I am so grateful for my mom.
When God was choosing who would be a great mom, he chose her! Her love gave me courage to become who I am today.
Her strength gave me wings so I could fly!
No matter how old you get, at the end of the day no one loves you more, worries about you more, or even cares for you more than your MOM!
Happy Mother’s Day to my mom-
All Mother’s,Step mom’s, grandmother’s, Aunts and anyone who has been a mother figure to you!